Discerning the quality of a relationship

Loving or using

 

Decide on which of the following two fictitious husbands love their wives and have a better chance at a long-lasting relationship. Which husband probably loves his wife, and which one could just be using her?

The first couple enjoys each other’s company. She is a beautiful and intelligent career-oriented woman and he is a top executive with an impressive six-figure salary. He has made it clear that while he claims to love her that he also loves many others. He has stated that no one should be surprised when, in fits of anger, he begins to trash her name and drag it through the mud. She needs to be patient with him. To top it off, he is neither interested in having children with her and doesn’t want to be tied down with regular date nights or special events together, unless he comes up with the idea first.

The second couple also enjoys each other’s company. A very handsome couple well-rooted in their faith and dedicated to their professions. He has made it clear, and has demonstrated, that she is his No. 1 and only. He is committed to loving her to the exclusion of all others.

He holds her name in special regard. He even tattooed her name on his bicep. Even in those rare difficult moments, moments of intense anger, he never cheapens her name or reputation. He totally respects her. He wants her to be, not only his wife, but the mother of their children. He repeats this often to her – sometimes during their regular Thursday evening date nights and every Sunday at Mass.

The answer is obvious. There can be no true relationship when a partner behaves as the husband in the first example. That person is just interested in possessing and using. He is not interested, or maybe even capable, of a true loving and sacrificial relationship.

How about our relationship with God? Is it love? Or are we just possessing and using God for our own egocentric purposes?

Do we seek to possess God because He makes me feel good and happy? Do we just seek God because he can grant us three or more wishes? Are we using God or loving God? Do we trust him? Or does trust depend on if God gives us what we want, when we want it?

God knows us better than we know ourselves. Do you really know who God is? God keeps his promises, just look at the cross. Do we keep his law and follow his guidance? God values us. Do we value and appreciate him?

God accepts us as we are and invites us to grow in him. Do we accept God as he is, or do we want to change him, so he can fit into our personal understanding of what he should be? God loves us more that we can imagine. Do we love him?

God only can be loved above and beyond our love of everyone and everything else. Our love for God must be No. 1. Our love for God should be so intense that his name is special and sacred to us. Our love for God is so life-giving that we join our brothers and sisters for our “date night” with God by celebrating that loving relationship with him at Sunday Mass.

The first three commandments help us in discerning the quality of our relationship with God.