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September 10, 2020When my first son was born, my wife and I had to make decision. I am from Mexico and my wife is from Venezuela, so we speak primarily in Spanish at home, but had to decide the language we were going to use to speak to our children.
We made the decision that I will speak only English to him, and my wife will speak exclusively Spanish. It is amazing how it has unfolded. He has something like a “chip” in his brain.
Whenever he is looking at me, he will speak English, but whenever he is looking at mom, Spanish will come out of his mouth. It doesn’t matter where he is or who else is in the room. So far, it has worked wonders for us, he is fully bilingual, and we are proud of it. At end, being bilingual is a plus, not a minus.
This bilingual reality, however, wasn’t part of our Catholic life. During his first years, we almost exclusively attended Mass in Spanish, he learned his prayers in Spanish, and at age 5, he was attending his kindergarten religious class in Spanish as well. Every night before bed, I was praying in Spanish with him. I would usually start the prayer and he’d repeat what I say. Sometimes he improvised and those became the best of all prayers.
One night, when he was 5, I decided to change the game, and started the prayer in English. We knelt. I began, "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." With a puzzled look, he hesitantly blessed himself repeating what I said.
I then folded my hands; he did the same. I said, "Our Father, Who art in heaven ...," and he repeated. After a moment he stopped, looked at me and said, in English: "Daddy, that is English, and we are praying, and prayer is done in Spanish," and he laughed out loud at his daddy’s “mistake.”
As a father, my main priorities are the education of my children and the life of my family. So, his reaction left me thinking for days and now years. What is the ultimate goal in the education of my children? How will I know I have fulfilled my mission as a parent? Is parenting only about providing food, clothing, education, devices, etc.? Have I fulfilled my mission as a father if I get my son or daughter to graduate from school? Will I be satisfied if they are rich? What, ultimately, will tell me whether I did a good job as a parent?
Although I believe these are important, I’m convinced that my primary mission as a parent is that my children become saints. Not only that they become men and women of kindness, like the rich young man of the Gospel (Mt 19, 16-22) who was a good man, but that they are saints – holy children, holy friends, holy professionals, holy priests or religious, holy spouses, holy parents, etc. – holy in every aspect of their lives. Simply put, that they go to heaven and enjoy eternal friendship with God.
Heaven is where I want to be with them, forever. My concern for them is timeless. I don’t just care about their life here on earth, I care about their eternal life.
So, back to praying with my son. The experience of my prayer with my son conveys an everyday reality. It is clear that with each generation we are losing Catholics, particularly Hispanic Catholics.
The fastest growing group among Hispanics are the “nones,” unaffiliated, people with no religion at all. Growing at a faster rate than any other ethnic or racial group, including white Catholics. It is estimated that about 21 percent of Hispanics today are considered “nones,” up from 3 percent in 1990.
In ministering to the Hispanic community in the United States, we have insisted upon using exclusively Spanish in all environments, including religious education and youth ministry. Many times, it works. But, I believe that if my child doesn’t learn to pray in English, and to live and explain his faith in English, and know that his faith – the faith inherited from his parents – is something he can share in today’s society, he will lose it. That is happening every day and it will continue to happen to millions of young people unless we change our ways.
Whether I like it or not, because of a decision I made, my son's first language is and will be English. He will speak in English most of his life. This is how he will communicate with his friends, at work, school, etc. If my children think the Catholic faith is something only experienced in the language of their parents, and in the privacy of their home, they will leave the faith behind the day they leave my house. They’ll participate only in certain traditional celebrations not necessarily by faith, but by tradition.
If my goal is that my children become saints, I must ensure that their faith is part of their entire lives. Therefore, English should be part of their faith practice as well. Faith goes beyond cultural expressions. If I want my son to live his Catholic faith and be holy, he must be able to live it, express it and defend it in his first language.
We can pray, praise and thank God in English too. Thank goodness God is multilingual!