Remembering Fr. Joseph Jacobi

An interview with Fr. Joseph Jacobi

Editor’s Note: On Aug. 22, 2025, friends of Fr. Jacobi (Connie Moore and Mary Diane Steltenkamp) interviewed him, knowing of his impending passing due to cancer. Below are their questions and his responses with his permission to share upon his death.

Q: What has been the greatest consolation for you during this illness?
FJ: Before all this happened, the focus was that I was the priest. I was the leader. I was the one telling other people about God and what God does. I was teaching and informing people. I was so used to being the one loving others, caring for others, which was a huge blessing. But, the kind of reverse has occurred since this started with the tumor diagnosis and receiving chemo and radiation. It is a completely different approach by recognizing that it is the receiving of love from others. I'm not the one in charge, but the one who receives the love from others ... those who visit me, pray with me and feast me with food. I am being asked to receive more and more and more. I don't have to make anything happen. I just need to receive the goodness of others.

Q: What has been the most difficult part of this journey?
FJ: That is really a hard question. I don't really know how to describe it because I have felt so loved. Maybe there were one or two days in the last two and a half years that I felt a bit down or alone. It has been very, very rare.

Q: So, the difficult moments have not been frequent?
FJ: Hardly at all. Before all this happened, there would be a day when I would feel alone. But, now it's just a solid, solid, solid love. I mean even when I'm here alone, I'm not alone. The Lord is always with me. He is always here and it's a constant reception of goodness and love. It's not something I have to make happen. His presence is always there. It’s not abstract; it is more concrete than it has ever been. His presence is as constant as breathing and talking and eating and sleeping.

Q: Was it difficult making the shift from caring for others to receiving from them?
FJ: I haven’t had to make anything happen. It’s just there. From learning of the tumor … everything just changed. It’s not something that I’ve done. It is something that I’ve received.

Q: Do you remember what you felt at the moment you received the diagnosis?
FJ: That’s a good question, and a hard one, too. When I went to Mass on Palm Sunday morning I wasn’t able to read correctly or understand what I read. I didn’t know that I’d lost part of my brain function. The grace of God’s goodness is that it happened between Palm Sunday and Easter. That was the week. And, the Passion is the very heart of who I am and what I experienced throughout my life. Even though I did not know that I was already losing something, or something was happening, the Lord was so present there because I could still preach and teach, but I couldn’t read very well. So, as I experienced the Lord’s Passion and Death and Resurrection I was experiencing him at the very center of all that was happening to me. It was my Holy Week.

Q: What was the biggest surprise of the past two and a half years?
FJ: If someone had told me something was going to turn my life totally upside down, I wouldn’t have been too excited about it. The surprise of it always is that God’s love is deeper than I can explain. I thought I understood God’s love. In my own way I did. Now it’s on a whole different level. How does a guy like me go there … when you know that detour in your life takes you even deeper into God’s mystery and love and the love of others? Goodness gracious! I never would have guessed that. I would have said, “Are you kidding me? I don’t want to. I’m okay right now. I don’t need any of this because I’ve got a lot of other things I want to do.” I think this is the surprise: that this illness is a gift that takes me deeper in love, and there’s no way I could have figured that out. I couldn’t have done it on my own. 

Q: If you could take what you have learned back into your earlier priesthood, would you do anything differently?
FJ: I don’t think I would. That’s part of the mystery of it all. That’s who I am. My priesthood was very active, being with people and doing many things, so many different things. It was all God’s Presence, and God’s goodness there. But, without my illness, I wouldn’t have been broken open with this new area of love. If nothing had happened, I had a wonderful life, beautiful people, so much love. I’m trying to say this right. When I am weak and experience my brokenness, I receive a love that I’ve never received before. I had to have God take me there and be able to receive his love on a different level than I did when I was active.

Q: It reminds me of the story of the Apostle Thomas, needing to touch the wound of Jesus. Thomas' faith increased profoundly when he did that ... proclaiming "My Lord and My God!" Thomas shows us that touching your own weakness in your journey has allowed the deepening of your faith and love. And, even more you’re allowing us to walk so closely with you has allowed us to touch your wound and so many of us have experienced also that increase of faith and love.
 FJ: I never would have guessed it in my life. Things were well. It’s good. The Lord’s mystery is to meet me in suffering, pain and struggles and take me even deeper, even deeper.

Q: Have you felt scared by death?
FJ: I really never have. I think I get to cheat, because of my twin sister, Anne. From the actual beginning of my life, I was with her in our mother’s womb, and we were born together. That’s how I feel like I’ve cheated a little because I’ve never been alone. She developed leukemia when she was 3 and died when we were 5. I’ve never been afraid of death because my twin has always been close to me, not just physically. She’s even closer in death because she’s with God and with me. I have never worried about feeling abandoned or alone. And, the power is for everybody who can understand in God’s love death is not the end, but the beginning. Some have asked me, “So why are you still here? Don’t you pray that God will take you home? Most people would?” The reverse is true for me. For now, I get to be with others and experience God’s love and be a part of their lives and not have to worry about when God wants to take me home. It’s obvious that he still wants me here to do something.  

Q: I know there have been so many, but is there one act of kindness, one simple gesture that really touched you?
FJ: I have so many different answers. Two times stand out – when Holy Spirit Catholic Church hosted prayer services for me. I was on a kneeler and people came and prayed over me. I don’t know how to describe it. It is so powerful because all of these different people came and stood and prayed with me right there. This is concrete, it’s real. I know that they want to. If God wants to take me home, it’s already happened! All these people have shown me heaven. There’s nothing to fear and worry about. And this is so much love.

Q: Is there a prayer that you’ve been drawn to?
FJ: In the morning, I go for an hour walk at 6:15 a.m. I pray Saint Ignatius of Loyola’s prayer, Suscipe: “Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.”

Father Jacobi died on Sept. 22. May he rest in peace. 


Photo: (Above) Fr. Joseph Jacobi. Photo Eliana Tedrow.

Fr. Joseph Jacobi at the Oklahoma Catholic Men's Conference in 2022. Photo Chris Porter/Sooner Catholic.
Parishioners from Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Mustang prayed for Fr. Joseph Jacobi at his prayer service on April 11. Photos Eliana Tedrow/Sooner Catholic. See related story: Hundreds unite to pray for Fr. Joseph Jacobi.