In wooded hills northeast of Oklahoma City, a group of fathers and sons gathered for a weekend of spiritual growth, relaxation and an exploration of true masculinity.
And to focus on family.
“Strong fathers are a key element to strong families,” said Deacon Joe Vandervort. The event – the annual Father/Son Retreat – was organized by Deacon Vandervort, the archdiocese’s coordinator of pro-life ministry and spiritual direction. A three-day event held May 9-11 at Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Camp, the retreat focused on the encouragement and development of strong fathers, who were accompanied by sons ages 10-21.
Once envisioned as a male counterpart to the Mother and Daughter Retreat, before it was determined that a half day of lectures and “sharing sessions” might not be as effective for fathers and sons. So a longer retreat with a focus on providing the attendees ample opportunity to spend dedicated time together without modern distractions emerged.
Amid the archdiocese’s overarching goal to engender strong families, Deacon Vandervort said, fathers must be reminded of what they are called to, and how important that is, and that they must also be encouraged to recognize that part of their sacred duty as fathers is to build up the next generation of fathers in their own sons. In this mission, the goal is to foster the growth of families “that are bonded, not just by their connection by blood, but also by their mutual mission given to them by Christ.”
Deacon Vandervort cited several studies showing that fatherlessness may be a significant factor in future struggles for boys and girls. According to fatherhood.gov, a clearinghouse funded by the U.S. Office of Family Assistance, data reveals the impacts of fatherlessness on outcomes in poverty, incarceration, overall health, teen pregnancy and drug or alcohol abuse.
“If men cannot see how they ought to act as men they will not do it well,” Deacon Vandervort said.
The retreat is not geared towards the simple conclusion that fathers and sons are different. Rather, as Deacon Vandervort said, “what each group needs is in fact different things.”
He emphasized that the ultimate answer, regardless of one’s sex, is Christ, but that the way we each come to encounter him is in many ways affected by biology. He suggested most men don’t necessarily need a day of sharing emotions, but that “the average man often just needs to be affirmed in being a man,” and, “what men need is to see other men who are acting like men.”
The weekend dedicated to the special relationship of fathers and sons, and how that relationship can lead them closer to God through the cultivation of true Catholic masculinity. The retreat featured talks by both clergy and laity, as well as traditionally masculine activities like archery, fishing and ax throwing. It also featured a special project for the men and their sons to work on together.
This year’s retreat drew 17 fathers and more than 20 sons. The men arrived on a Thursday afternoon and, after attending Mass, were served dinner. After the meal, there were s’mores by the campfire, along with a group rosary and a spiritual talk given by Father John Herrera of Saint Peter the Apostle Catholic Church in Guymon.
The second and only full day of the retreat began at 6:30 a.m. with a soccer game, followed by Liturgy of the Hours and a morning Mass. After breakfast, the men gathered for another talk, presented by Father Christopher Brashears of Saint Benedict Catholic Church in Shawnee, as well as an introduction to the father and son project.
This year’s project was the crafting of a crucifix using only hand tools. Each family was given a hand saw branded with the slogan “Esto Vir,” which means “Be a Man” in Latin.
The afternoon on the second day was filled with hours of activities, allowing the fathers and sons to choose what they most enjoy doing together. Apart from the different stations set up with assorted equipment, the men could also choose to hike the extensive grounds, swim or just relax and chat.
The only hard and fast requirement of the retreat: fathers and sons must stay together.
Another rosary, evening prayers and dinner followed the afternoon, winding down at the campfire to allow the men and their sons plenty of down time to recuperate from the day’s busy schedule.
On the third and final day, an early morning workout was offered to kickstart the body, with Liturgy of the Hours and Mass to invigorate the spirit. Following breakfast, the men broke for more activities, meeting up for a talk given by Deacon Vandervort after lunch. The men assisted in cleaning up the facility, before packing and saying final farewells until next year.
The talks, in many ways private in nature, were oriented around how fathers can take inspiration from the Heavenly Father and from sacred scripture in forming their style of parenting, and how sons can look to scripture when they struggle with obedience.
For the men and their sons who attend, the weekend offers prayer, activity and a chance to connect without all of the daily distractions that constantly vie for attention. Perhaps most importantly, the event serves as a reminder that each attendee is a beloved son of the Father.
“God as father, and what that means for us,” said Deacon Vandervort, “is a key element for us to be good fathers. He is the Father par excellence ... and so we are trying to participate in that in some way.”