A new ministry for those experiencing a miscarriage in the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City

October is Respect Life Month, and the new Carried and Loved ministry puts light onto another aspect of the pro-life month, that of losing a child in the womb, which is a challenging subject for many women and families.

“During the month of October, the Church asks us to reflect on how life should be cherished from the moment of conception. A common conversation amongst Catholic women is on one of the hardest, yet most beautiful, teachings of the Faith – being open to life, which goes hand in hand with being pro-life. And as all too many women are aware, being open to life, also means you are open to death,” explained Stephanie Stovall, of Carried and Loved. “Carried and Loved hopes to be a soft place for the heart to land when navigating the logistics of losing a child in the womb. By providing parents with an abundance of resources – from blessings available to the grieving family, to what to expect during delivery, this ministry eases the burden of answering the questions parents hoped to never have to ask.”

Stovall went on to explain that while people should be, as a Church, always pushing pro-life efforts forward, some mothers have experienced a sense of neglect from the Church when they experienced a miscarriage. 

“This is at no fault of our Mother Church, who does provide many ways to honor a baby lost in the womb. The problem is, there has not been enough of a highlight on what our Church does offer grieving parents,” Stovall elaborated. 

“This ministry started to come together when a few of us moms were connected in 2016. We all had our own experiences with pregnancy and infant loss and knew that more support needed to be made available to families in their grief. We found an incredibly supportive community at the parish of Saint John the Baptist Catholic Church in Edmond. The parish nurse at the time, Marilyn Seiler, formed a support group that met monthly. A couple of us eventually became co-facilitators of the group and it was a really wonderful experience of healing for those of us involved. Over time, interest in the support group started to drop off and by the time the pandemic hit, we had pretty much decided to stop meeting. There was also a wonderful group of women doing this work at Epiphany of the Lord Catholic Church, but I think their experiences were similar to ours,” said Rachel Ketchmar, of Carried and Loved.

Kretchmar added that throughout the pandemic, some of the members continued to receive phone calls from families experiencing loss and looking for help. A few of them met and decided that the ministry needed to continue, but that they needed to shift their approach. Families were reaching out to the ministry for support, but a support group didn't seem to be filling the need of what families wanted. This led to the creation of Carried and Loved. 

“We are simply a group of moms who know how overwhelming and isolating it can be to lose a baby and who desperately wished for more support as we experienced our losses. There is so much that we didn't know. I would have loved to have a friend take me by the hand and walk with me through the process of miscarrying and the physical and emotional aftermath of pregnancy loss. Our hope is that this ministry can help guide families as they navigate their loss with everything from guidance about delivery, and what to expect as they deliver, how to make burial arrangements with information about local options, grief support, etc. We would love to be able to offer one-to-one peer support and to also see this grow into a parish-based ministry where Churches have their own Carried and Loved team to help with meals and more personalized care following a family's loss. There is so much we can all do to affirm families in their love and grief for their babies and a goal of this ministry is also to raise awareness of this type of loss,” Ketchmar said.

Stovall said she is thankful Archbishop Coakley lovingly celebrated the first Mass for Pregnancy and Infant Loss on Oct. 1. She reported that it was a beautiful testimony to the reality that the Church does truly cherish each life from the very moment of conception.

“Losing a baby in the womb is an excruciating pain that is so very multi-layered. From dealing with well-intentioned comments that cut you to the core, to the physical and emotional feeling of emptiness in your body … no one should be left to navigate this loss on their own. Unfortunately, this is where many women find themselves. The problem is, there has not been enough of a highlight on what our Church does offer grieving parents. Thanks be to God, in our archdiocese that is changing now more than ever,” Stovall concluded.

For more information about Carried and Loved, visit carriedandloved.com.

Another support ministry is Catholic Miscarriage Support, catholicmiscarriagesupport.com. This website provides information on topics ranging from grief support to the physical process of miscarriage and what people need to know, burial information, speaking with siblings about the loss and more. The ministry wants parents to know they are not alone, and that many people who have walked this journey would like to walk it with others. 

Jolene Schonchin is a freelance writer for the Sooner Catholic.