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April 22, 2021Losing a child at any stage of pregnancy can be devastating for expectant parents and their families. For some grieving parents, loss can be more painful when medical facilities dispose of their infant's remains without consulting the family.
On April 15, 2021, Senate Bill 647, also known as "Lily's Law" passed the Oklahoma House unanimously 93-0. At the time of the Sooner Catholic’s publication, the bill was waiting to be signed into law by the governor.
Lily's Law expands a 2019 law requiring health care providers, including birthing centers, to keep a written policy on file and to notify parents of their right to request their child's remains at 12 weeks gestation and later.
Lily's Law expands rights to include children lost before 12 weeks. If the family gives no directive within 14 days, a facility can dispose of the remains per their policy.
"Lily's Law" is named in honor of an Oklahoma family who lost their daughter, Lily Gianna, early in the first trimester in 2012. The grieving family was not informed of their right to retrieve Lily's remains and said they would have chosen to bury her if they were aware they had that option.
Rachel Kretchmar suffered two back-to-back miscarriages within six months. Kretchmar said while her family knew of their right to request their child's remains and have them buried; many grieving parents do not realize they have this right. Kretchmar said burying her children provided a concrete way to process their grief.
Life during and after a loss can be difficult for grieving families. A large part of a family's immediate concerns may include both the delivery and burial, if those are both an option and the wishes of a grieving family, Kretchmar said.
"Depending on a variety of factors, a burial might not always be possible," Kretchmar said, "But even in situations where a burial would be possible, parents have no idea what to expect going into a loss."
"Parents often are so overcome with shock or grief they don't know they have options. And, by the time they realize they did have options, it's already too late," she said. “I have met mothers who carry grief for years because in that moment of shock and grief, they didn't know they had options.”
In early 2020, Kretchmar approached state Sen. Adam Pugh (R-Edmond) about the issue. She said Sen. Pugh agreed to author Lily's Law.
"Honoring the child they lost is important," Pugh said. "I think it's an appropriate thing for me as a pro-life legislator to recognize that life, even from conception, has value."
Pugh said it is important to change laws so life is recognized, and families can go through the grieving and healing process.
"Every family will grieve differently but being able to dignify life through a proper burial, if that is their decision, is part of the healing process."
Marla Mercer-Cole, vice president of Mercer Adams Funeral Service in Bethany, is a licensed professional counselor and fellow in thanatology: the study of death, dying and bereavement.
"To a large portion of people who find out they're expecting and have things planned, and then lose that baby, the loss is very painful," Mercer-Cole said.
Mercer-Cole said it is important for people to grieve in a way they prefer.
"There is still hope," she said. "With or without the physical remains of a loved one, there are ways to memorialize life in a meaningful way."
Eliana Tedrow is a freelance writer for the Sooner Catholic.
Photo: Natalie Clevenger (left) and Rachael Kretchmar helped with the creation of “Lily’s Law.” Photo provided.
