“When you lose hope, you can't do it by yourself”

Retrouvaille is a three-part guided program that was created to provide married couples with tools and resources to strengthen their marriage while placing an emphasis on the privacy of attending couples. The next Retrouvaille weekend is Aug. 27-29 at the Catholic Pastoral Center in Oklahoma City.

Will and Brandi Ross, community coordinators for Retrouvaille, are a testament to the strength of the program. The Rosses attended as a couple in 2017, and believed so strongly in the program that they knew they wanted to be involved.

“We wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you right now if it wasn’t for this,” Brandi Ross said.

Like many married couples, the Rosses were struggling and didn’t know where to turn for help.

“We didn’t have any guidance. Communication wasn’t something we knew. Retrouvaille was a lifeline for us; it gave us hope. It opened the door to communication, which was severely lacking,” she said. 

Brandi’s initial fear and concern about privacy were quickly dismissed.

“I was terrified,” she said. “Privacy was very important to me, but all we had to do was listen. Nobody asked us to share anything.”

Retrouvaille is appropriate for married couples at all stages in their relationship. The program has been successful in helping couples with minor communication issues, couples who are already divorced and couples that struggle with anything in between.

“You don’t have to wait,” Will Ross explained. “Retrouvaille is a strengthening tool that can be used even before anything goes wrong!”

The Retrouvaille weekend is led by three presenting couples and a priest. Father Mark Mason has been involved with the program for about 10 years, and has seen firsthand the incredible things it has done for couples.

“I can see a difference from the beginning to the end of the weekend,” Father Mason said.

Although attending couples are never asked to share anything about their marriage, presenting couples do.

“I hear the stories of the presenting couples and I always stand back and say how in the world did they ever make it through? It really is a miracle of healing that they are together today, and very much in love with each other,” Father Mason said.

The success rate of Retrouvaille can be attributed partially to the format, which includes post-sessions after the initial weekend. The 12 sessions are designed to build on the foundation by providing further communication tools. These follow up sessions as well as monthly support meetings are an essential component of the program, ensuring that couples maintain the forward momentum from the weekend. 

Father Mason explained the importance of effective communication in marriages.

“We live in a culture with a give up and get out attitude,” he said. “But, we take those same issues with us, right into the next relationship.”

Retrouvaille helps couples learn how to communicate on a totally different level. They begin to heal, trust, forgive and love in ways they never expected.”

Jack and Marycarol Page have served as a presenting couple for Retrouvaille, and have seen many marriages become whole again thanks to the communication tools, resources and support that the program and presenting couples provide.

“We give couples tools that are immediately doable and relatable,” Marycarol stated. “There are things couples can do right away to start healing their marriage.”

Rooted in theology, the program encourages personal responsibility and compassion for your spouse. 

The Pages’ said their experience with Retrouvaille saved their marriage when it felt too far beyond repair.

“When you lose hope, you can't do it by yourself,” she said. “Making that journey with people who have been there is what helped us. We had to have someone walk with us when we couldn't do it ourselves. What is taught is a really great bridge for spouses to see and accept each other, to forgive and rebuild the marriage into the sacrament they were meant to have.”

Sally Linhart is a freelance writer for the Sooner Catholic.